people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
