oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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