we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You ate ashes out of my bong
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
