CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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