currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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