I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize