i think my tv is drunk
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
