Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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