I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
