yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
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