If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
