There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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