Can Purell be used as lube?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
