I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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