Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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