dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
