Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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