god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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