every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
