I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
