She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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