You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
