Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
