My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
