then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
