I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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