a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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