I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
