Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
