You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
