I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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