sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
