My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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