I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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