he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
