if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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