So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
