I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
