you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
