we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
