i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she peed on how many people?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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