dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
