The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
