i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She has the best kind of daddy issues
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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