I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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