Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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