i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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