guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
