Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
