i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
