its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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