Grow some girl-balls and come out already
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize