Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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