Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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