That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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