That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
