Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
