I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
