I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
