Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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