Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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