i was born a porn star she said
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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