im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
