remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
