your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
