PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
