Well apparently he's into motor boating.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
