she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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