God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize