ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
