Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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