she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
