regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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