Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
