3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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