shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
