fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
