Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
