My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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