I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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