I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We have so much sex to catch up on
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
