Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
